Enough About Me

It seems that as soon as you announce your pregnancy, there's this shift that takes place in the types of questions people ask you.  Before, you were asked about marriage or how work was going, after, suddenly all the questions you get start to center around that baby in your womb.

When I first announced my pregnancy with Jaden someone told me to enjoy my last few months of people asking about me, because as soon as that baby gets here, I'd get pushed to the back burner and the questions I'd answer would be about my child.

I was OK with the shift.  I loved answering questions about Jaden.  And still do.

And the shift continued when I announced my pregnancy with Chase.  And again, I loved it!  Once he was born I loved answering the "How are the boys?" and "What new things is Chase doing this week?" questions.

Sadly, I don't get to answer many questions about Chase anymore.  People are starting to ask questions about me again.  I appreciate the care and concern, it's just that sometimes it feels so foreign.  I haven't had to talk about myself so much in almost 4 years.

I want to talk about my boys!  I want to talk about my Sweetums.  So in honor of what would have been Chase turning 17 months, I'm gonna talk about him.

Chase was such a chill baby.  From the day he was born, he really didn't cry unless he was hungry - but when he was hungry, you knew.  He had a pretty hefty appetite, going from 6 lbs 14 oz to 13 lbs 15 oz in 8 weeks! He doubled his birthweight in 2 months.  (I think the goal is to do that by 6 months, so he was ahead of the game!)

Around 4 months Chase started to drool uncontrollably.  He wouldn't get his first tooth until 7 months, right around Thanksgiving, but he was just juicy!  I have many pictures and videos where he's just as happy as can be playing with his toys, wearing a completely drenched shirt or bib.

You won't find many pictures of him with his mouth closed.  I'm not sure why that is, but I always blamed it on his JBL (juicy bottom lip).  I was convinced it was just weighing him down.  We do have a few pictures with his mouth closed, he's either sleeping or had something in his mouth.  I really loved looking at his juicy little open mouth.  Sometimes I'd just put the tip of my nose in it to steal a nose kiss.  Once he learned to give kisses I'd gladly await the slobbery goodness that was coming for me.

In March, Chase had really started to get around the house.  He had crawling down, and was becoming a master climber.  He'd climb on top of his lego box, step stools, and whatever else he could find.  He could scale the stairs like a champ, and was beginning to learn how to come back down them.  (Though usually once he reached the landing at the top, he'd just sit there because he wasn't confident in coming down.)  He could stand up for about 10 seconds, and then he'd just fall down.  I think he was so close to walking!  I always estimated that he'd start around 13 and a half months.

I've been told that along with grieving the loss of your child you grieve your dreams, hopes, and predictions.  And those are painful to grieve too.

I used to sit Chase in his high chair in front of the TV to watch "Your Baby Can Read" DVDs.  When Jaden was a baby he would watch these with ease, picking up on the words quickly.  Chase, not so much.  That boy would not focus on the screen.  He'd turn his whole body around in the high chair to see what else was going on.  Sometimes I'd sit and hold him, thinking he may be still in my arms.  Nope.  He was always trying to crawl away.  He could care less about the words on the screen or even the songs.  Though he did eventually learn to put his "arms up" when you told him and when he saw the words, I was convinced that Chase was the child that would just need a little more encouragement in school.

I imagined sitting down with a 5-year-old Jaden and a 3-year-old Chase to read a book.  Jaden, who began reading at 3, would read his page with excitement and ease.  He'd then say "Your turn Chase" and Chase would just rip the page or run away.

I pictured the boys being great buddies as they grew older together.  They were gonna be partners. Jaden would be long and lean, he'd be the performer.  Chase was gonna be the big little brother, tall, but wide and stout and very strong, he'd be the bouncer.  He wouldn't have many words for you, the silent type, but he'd get you if you got in his, or his brother's, way.

That's my Sweetums.  Oh how I miss him.