The Ugly Truth

For some reason I thought that in a season of grief you get a free pass to act and think how you want.

"I lost my son, so I don't have to care about you or your story" kind of thinking. 

But even in the midst of the pain, The Lord is still faithful to conform me to the image of His Son. That work hasn't stopped. And neither has my personal sin or selfishness. 

The ugly truth in this season is that my heart is not perfect.  It wants to turn its nose up at the pain of others. It wants to elevate itself.  It wants to invalidate the pain of others.

The ugly truth is that my initial heart response to hearing a radio ad about a mom whose son was paralyzed by a texting driver was, "Who cares? You can still talk to and play with your son."

The ugly truth is that I sometimes look at the success of others and think "Oh good, you get to get a promotion in this season.  I get to mourn the loss of my baby."

I am not going to be perfect in this season - I can't be.

But the good news, in the midst of my ugly truths, is that God's grace is still sufficient.  His grace covers my sin.  His grace reveals to me when my heart is not like His.  His grace forgives.  His grace enables me to confess and repent - often.  His grace enables me to obey.

And the greatest news, a beautiful truth despite my internal ugliness and sin,  is that He hasn't left me - and He never will.